Local driver’s long, sustained honking sure to teach that punk a lesson

Local driver, Roger Monstadt, 62, was driving his Mercedes Benz through Toronto’s financial district Friday afternoon, when an altercation at one of the city’s many stoplights changed the course of his peaceful afternoon.

“I was just minding my own business, cruising in my Benz — make sure to note that I just called it a “Benz,” I want to seem carefree and aloof — when some idiot decided to cross the street! In front of me!” Monstadt, who was definitely trying to affect a carefree and aloof attitude, told reporters.

According to Monstadt, who works as an investment banker for a nearby financial institution, the individual in question was young, scruffy, and “kinda Mexican-y looking, you know what I mean? I’m not racist, but…” At press time, there was no indication of how Monstadt intended to finish that sentence. Eyewitnesses described the individual as “What?” “You know how many people are walking around downtown at 2:30?” and “Buy something or get out of my store.”

Monstadt insisted that the individual had crossed the street illegally, stepping into the crosswalk after Monstadt’s light had turned red, but before the individual’s own light had turned green. “It’s just bad form,” Monstadt continued. “Every Toronto driver knows that when the light turns red, you still have a few seconds to slam on the gas, and try to get through the intersection!” So Monstadt did what any Toronto driver might do in that situation: he honked his horn.

“It wasn’t just any honk, either,” Monstadt told us. “I really laid on that baby. We’re talkin’ 15, 20 solid seconds, no interruptions.” Monstadt insisted that the sustained duration of the honk made it more effective. “I definitely taught that punk a lesson.”

Office workers in the nearby buildings recalled the incident, as well. “A car horn? Sure, that happens like 35 times a day. It’s annoying, but it’s just background noise, mostly.” Ranjit Suresh, 27, told reporters. “I listen to music all day, usually, so I don’t even hear most of them.” Others said most of the time when they hear a honk like that, it’s just funny. “Imagine thinking that would accomplish anything?” one young woman asked, speaking on condition of anonymity. “You’d have to be a pretty big idiot.”

When asked if he felt that his use of the horn was unwarranted. Monstadt remained undeterred. “I’ll honk my horn at any punk who gets in my way. The road’s for driving, not for walking! That oughtta learn ‘em!” Monstadt was last seen driving away, but not before making sure he’d locked his car. “There was a teenager across the street,” he said. “Can’t be too careful, these days.”